Dead Deer Removal Business Booms

I think I may have found my calling.

According to Karen Tanner Allen's article, Deer Are a Part of the Landscape, in the Real Estate section of yesterday's Washington Post, homeowners in the Washington D.C. region are paying as much as $375 to have deer they find dead on their property removed.

I've got news for you: I'll do it cheaper.

The funny thing is, I've been doing similar work for nothing for the past several years. 

The first incident I can remember took place when I was a newspaper reporter for Leesburg Today.  I was on a ride-along one night with a county sheriff's deputy when suddenly two deer dashed into the road.  The car in front of us hit and killed both of them.

The deputy turned on his blue lights, and the other car came to a stop.  The deputy drew along side of it and rolled down the window.

"Everybody Okay?" he asked.

"Yes," said the driver.  "I can't say the same for my car though."

The car was drivable but the front end had sustained some serious damage.

"Something really needs to be done to control the deer around here," the guy said.

"Well, it looks like you're doing a pretty good job of it," the deputy replied.

After the guy drove off, the deputy pulled to the curb, and we got out.  He grabbed one deer and I grabbed the other, and we dragged them out of the middle of the street and onto the grassy roadside.

Some years later, I found myself working for a large landscaping company.  The firm's biggest contract was for a homeowners association in the Ashburn area, the same neighborhood, in fact, where I'd witnessed the deer crash on the ride-along.  Since the contract was so big, we did pretty much anything the association asked.

One of those things was to pick up deer that had been hit by cars and had then expired on association-owned property.  All I had to do was toss the deer in the back of my truck and drop them off at a roadside area where the Virginia Department of Transportation would pick them up.

I also managed a number of small residential contracts for that company.  One day, I pulled into a customer's driveway and spotted an injured doe thrashing around near the fence line.  I walked up and could see that the deer had not only been hit by a car but appeared to be pretty sick as well.  The homeowner was a good customer, and I called her at work to ask what she wanted me to do.

"Would you mind calling the sheriff's office and asking them to come out and dispatch it?" she asked.

I did mind but did it anyway.  A deputy showed up, put his .40 caliber behind the animal's ear, and the next thing I knew he and I were dragging it into the woods.

The most gruesome episode of my carcass removal career came in November 2005, when the Fairfax-based company I was working for got a call about an impaled deer on a wrought iron fence in a gated community in McLean.  Since by this time my dead deer removal skills had become well-known, I was immediately dispatched to the scene.

It looked like the buck had successfully jumped the fence into the back yard but didn't quite make it on the way out.  His lifeless body had slid pretty far down the iron spike, so I couldn't lift him.  As many outdoorspeople know, it pays to have a Buck knife close at hand.  I had to cut him down.

How I disposed of that deer is top secret, but let's just say I got the job done, and the customer was happy.

So as you can see I've definitely got the skills to start my own dead deer removal business.  I'll have to look into licensing requirements, but I've already got my marketing plan in place.  I'll use this little jingle I composed after reading the article.

Dead deer in your yard?

Just give me a call.

For a reasonable fee,

I'll have it gone by nightfall.

Comments

[Albert A Rasch]

Matt,
I can't say I ever had to remove deer when I was in the lawn and landscape business, but I did have to remove a pretty large hog once that had expired and sat in the lovely Florida sun for a few days before someone noticed...

I can still smell it...

Regards,
Albert A Rasch
The Rasch Outdoor Chronicles

[Arthur]

Sounds like a pretty good career move. $375 seems pretty steep.

I am real curious what the legalities are Matt, especially since you've already had some experience. We have to be real careful around about touching a deer before getting a permit from the Sheriff.

[Marc]

I never thought about picking up dead deer as a business? I think you could probably do something with that, especially in the suburbs.

[Kristine Shreve]

I've never heard of anything like that, but I live in a relatively rural area and in a state where a lot of people hunt and eat venison.

Sounds like it could work.

[Emily]

Cut it down?! Ewwwwww!!!! I had no idea my cousin was capable of such a thing! That's like crusades-era nastiness!

[Matt]

Emily: as the Captain will be quick to tell you, noone ever said working for Bright Idea Outdoors was easy.

[The Hunter's Wife]

Great slogan!

[Phillip]

Hmm...well, it's not a career I'd have aspired to, but it does appear that you have a calling.

Somebody's gotta do it.

[Game Ear]

Sad... all these deer but none when I'm hunting. ARGH!!!

[Hungrydog]

Pricy but I can't imagine they want to do it themselves.